The babies are still winning, but not quite as much. A few weeks ago it felt like we were never going to be able to get our babies to eat or sleep or grow. We had had a few really bad days in a row and it was wearing us down a bit.
Well, things have improved, but we do still have our moments, which is how it should be, right?
We spent a week or two experimenting with various bottles and nipples, and eventually decided that the ones from the hospital were as good as any of the ones that cost a ton of money from various stores. That period of time was pretty miserable and I had also stopped trying to nurse either baby. It just seemed like too much to handle.
One afternoon I asked Patrick if he thought it was bad that I’d stopped breast feeding and he paused and hesitated for a moment (I fully expected him to say that it was ok and that I should do whatever was comfortable for me), and then he said, “well, I think there are some physiological advantages for the babies.” He totally played the “I’m about to be a doctor” card. I was, in all honesty, a little mad. I’d read all these Facebook posts about husbands being 100% on board with whatever their wives decided to do regarding breast feeding, and I felt for a brief moment that I was on my own. But then I thought about it a bit more. I’d been trying to breastfeed since their days in the NICU, and clearly, based on the numbers, my body was on board. I realized that Patrick had my best interests and those of our precious babies in mind. He knew that the time I’d spent crying my way through 40 minutes of trying to get one or the other baby to latch was time that really meant that I was dedicated to making it work. I just needed a little push. So, we tried again, and both babies just took off after an almost two week break! Neither are completely perfect and we do still bottle feed, but it’s such a HUGE relief to know that I can feed my babies the way nature intended!
Breastfeeding is one of the few things that I feel like makes our family seem like a “normal” family. I can feed my babies just like any other mother, even though they were early and spent so much time trying to learn to breathe and eat! I now breastfeed each kiddo once or twice a day and it’s such a great experience. I have tried feeding both at the same time and didn’t really dig that–it really made me feel like a cow, but maybe we’ll try that again someday too.
Miss Neala, lounging with her bro one lovely morning earlier this week.
Rylan hanging out at the park. We tried to have a playdate but no one else showed up. Luckily, I have two babies so they played together. Just kidding, Neala slept and Rylan kicked around on the ground. I do look forward to days at the park when they’re ready to run and play and have a built in playmate!
We do still have moments of major vom, and moments of panic that our little ones aren’t eating enough, but overall, I think we’re getting into the groove of things. It’s ok that “the groove of things” involves puddles of spit up on the floor, heads elevated at bed time, massive burp cloths, lots of changes of clothes, and sheets changed in the middle of the night. We can deal with all that.
As you are finding out, parenting is a process that is endlessly challenging and endlessly rewarding. What you are doing with your babies is working! And you are a very “normal” family – trying something new when then old thing quits working, laughing and crying at the same time, folding laundry and leaving it on the couch, on and on. That you are sharing all of this with the world will give others the strength they need when things seem dark and gloomy.