Letter to a NICU Dad

Dear NICU dad,

What you’re going through is difficult. Your baby or babies are likely hanging by what seems like a thread at the moment, and your partner, the one who gave birth to that fragile being may seem also to be hanging by a thread emotionally. Your role in this journey that is the NICU is vitally important, so don’t think it’s not.

It may feel like there’s next to nothing you can do for your new addition and for your partner, but that’s not true, not true at all.

Help your partner get to and from the hospital and to be as prepared as possible for your days there. Pack snacks, a water bottle, headphones, a notebook, pens and pencils, and make sure the bag is packed each morning before  you leave the house. If you can, drive her back and forth from the hospital, drop her off at the front when she’s recovering from her c-section or vaginal birth that was likely difficult or complicated if you find yourself in the NICU. It’s the little things like that that make a difference.

In the evenings, make sure your partner has everything she needs for the night. Make sure her breast pump parts are clean and ready to go, make sure labels and bottles are prepared.

If you can, be present at the hospital when she is. The NICU, despite all the hustle and bustle, can be a very lonely place. It’s nice to have company, even if you just sit silently and listen to the ever so stressful constant beeping of monitors.

Participate in your child’s care. Jump right in there and change diapers, learn how to give your little one a bath, bottle feed your little one if it’s permitted. Knowing that when take the baby home, someone else is well trained to care for the baby is a huge weight off the shoulders of any mom, and especially the NICU mom, who knows all to well how fragile her little one can be.

Do as much kangaroo care as you can! You and your baby will benefit from skin to skin contact. They will relax and breathe deeper, and you will be able to bond with them.

Help manage NICU visitors. It can be very stressful to have friends and family who want to meet your baby when they are in the NICU. Make sure your partner is not the only point of communication for your visitors.

Make sure your partner knows that she doesn’t need to spend every hour of every day in the NICU, and that life must go on. Help her understand that your baby is receiving the best possible care and that this phase will end. Make sure she eats, takes naps, and has a few moments to herself. Make sure she also knows that it’s OK if she cries and breaks down. Being a NICU mom is not easy.

Keep a sense of humor if at all possible. A laugh here and there can really help the time pass and a little silliness is good for everyone!

NICU dad, your role is incredibly important and your family is lucky to have you.

This too, shall pass.

– Alden, wife of one of the best NICU dad’s around!