Pep Talks

Over the past 8 or so years I’ve given Patrick countless pep talks. He is an incredible student and an incredible person, but has a way of doubting himself that can bring him to an almost standstill.

First there were the pep talks about getting into med school and helping him convince himself that all the pre-requisites would be worth it in the end and that his crappy job at one of the hospitals in town would look good on his resumé. They went something like this:

You can do this. Yes, you should do this. The job is temporary and will look good on your resumé, I promise. Any medical school in the country would be lucky to have you and you’ll make a great doctor one day. 

Then there were the pep talks about getting into medical school that went something like this:

You are qualified! You have the right scores, you want to do this for all the right reasons. You’re smart, kind, compassionate, and again, qualified. They’d be crazy not to take you!

And then he didn’t get in the first time and I had to give that one all over again, but with a little more emphasis:

You are qualified! You have the right scores, you want to do this for all the right reasons. You’re smart, kind, compassionate, and again, qualified. They’d be crazy not to take you! The people who turned you down the first time must be idiots (unless of course they’re still on the admission committee…then kiss ass). You’ve done everything they said you should do to get in this time!

Then, once he did get in, there were the pep talks before tests that went something like this:

You’re qualified, calm, cool, collected, smart, compassionate, kind. You can do this. You’re prepared, you’ve done everything you can. Don’t forget to eat…Here, I got up at 5:30 and made you breakfast. Don’t drink coffee, it messes up your stomach. I made you tea. Drink it. Drive safe. I love you. I’m proud of you and proud to be your wife.

Boom. Test aced, just like that.

Then there were the residency application/interview pep talks:

You’re qualified, calm, cool, collected, smart, compassionate, kind. You can do this. You’re prepared, you’ve done everything you can. Don’t forget to eat. I’ve been up all night with two babies kicking me from the inside so I didn’t make you breakfast. Don’t drink coffee, it messes up your stomach. Fly safe! I love you!

And…just the other night, he got an email from an orthopedic resident a few years ahead of him that detailed the hours he’d be working and the difficult times ahead and there was a new pep talk:

You’re qualified and prepared, probably more so than the other new interns since you went to UNM. You know the systems, you even know some of the people. You know your way around the hospital. You can do this. This is what you’ve worked so hard for and what our family has worked so hard for. Your long hours have paid off! The people who are in the program and running the program want you to succeed. The weeding out process is over now, you made it! 

And then he looked at me with these big sad (handsome) eyes and said, “What about you and the babies?” And I found myself giving us both a pep talk:

We will be fine. We will miss you, but we will be OK. I’ll figure out feeding both of them at the same time. It’s not easy but I can do it. We have our families to help. I promise to ask for help. I promise to try to take time for myself. They are good babies, they sleep well and are happy when they’re fed (usually). You were here when I needed you most. We’ve crossed the 6 month mark and they are healthy and growing. We will be fine. They will be fine. It will be a long few years, but we can do it. We will come visit you when we can, even if it’s just for a quick cup of coffee at the hospital coffee shop, or lunch in the cafeteria…hey, they have decent tuna salad (as I learned when we had babies in the NICU), also, Tuesday is green chile stew day and the moment I’m done breastfeeding, I’m there for that spicy, creamy goodness! I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m proud to be your wife and our kids are lucky to have you as dad!

I’ll probably be repeating that last pep talk to myself over and over in the next few months. But, I really know that we can do this. We’re not the first family faced with these challenges, and we won’t be the last. We just have to remember to take the little steps necessary to keep our sanity (for example, the babies are sleeping in their own room tonight for the first time…of course, I won’t sleep at all but oh well). We will take it one day at a time and before we know it, residency will be over and there will be a whole new set of pep talks!

(I’d like to also say that Patrick has given me my fair share of pep talks too and talked me off the ledge more than once…eek, like the time I threatened to apply for law school! )