The Perfect Pajamas (and other things)

While it may seem ridiculous to dedicate an entire blog post to pajamas, it’s a topic that’s been weighing heavily on me these last few weeks. Also, this is a big gift buying time of the year and if you’re planning on purchasing any pajamas for small children, I want you to be well prepared.

Pretty much since our kids started crawling, changing diapers and clothes is a NIGHTMARE. For example, Rylan woke up with a poopy diaper yesterday and the moment he heard the sound of the diaper being undone, woosh…there goes his hand, right into the poop. Yay. And then there’s the constant attempts to flip over into a crawling position while being changed. And the standing up on the changing table with bits flying, smearing little finger prints on the window and waving at all the folks passing by (none, usually). There’s usually a moment of relief for mommy or daddy when we give them something to chew on. Their favorite thing is their hairbrush. Seems sort of gross to me, but not anywhere near as gross as a handful of poop. But, the novelty of the hairbrush wears off pretty quickly and the squirming begins anew and with vigor. Yes, vigorous squirming. That’s exactly what it is!

This what “vigorous squirming” looks like

Oh! Look! the hairbrush! Clearly, the novelty has already worn off at this point. 

Anyway, back to the pajamas. For some reason, and maybe because it’s the end of the day when we’re dealing with “jommies” as we refer to them, they are the most difficult to put on a vigorously squirming child. When jommie time comes, I dig through the drawers (which are usually empty because I hate putting away laundry, so “dig” may not be the correct verb here) to find the perfect jommies. And, they don’t exist in my world, no matter how many times I look in the empty drawers, full laundry basket, or dryer full of wet clothes (because I’ve forgotten to turn it on…again). So here we go, the perfect pajamas for small children include the following:

1. Zipper (NOT SNAPS)
This is huge! SNAPS SUCK. I hate snaps on pajamas. Inevitably there are about 4,000 on each pajama and getting them to match during vigorous squirming is damn near impossible. Zipper pajamas are the best. (I will say that if you have a child in the hospital, snaps are pretty necessary for all the tubes and wires, but this is really the only time you’ll ever want snaps.)

2. Feet
Make sure your pajamas have a zipper. Zipper pajamas are the best. Oh, wait, this was about feet…yeah, that too. If your kids are anything like mine, socks are made for pulling off and chewing on, so feet that are permanently attached to zipper pajamas are key.

3. Zipper that starts at the top and goes to the bottom
For a brief moment I thought that snaps might actually have a place in the world of children’s pajamas because there are those middle of the night diaper changes and it can get a little chilly from time to time, and not exposing your baby’s entire front side (by unzipping) might keep them from getting too cold. Then, I ran into a pair of pajamas that had a zipper that started at the top and zips down to the bottom, so when unzipping, you could potentially leave the top part zipped, thus, not exposing your child’s entire front side! This elusive top down zipper is very hard to find and to date, I’ve only found one.

4. A tiny bit of elastic around the ankles
Number 2 above explains the necessity of feet in pajamas, however, one thing almost all pajamas with feet lack is a tiny bit of elastic around the ankle to keep the feet on the dang feet! My kids are forever ending up with their feet up where their knees should be and then, smack–face plant.

There you have it. Four requirements is really not that many. Come on Carter’s, get with it (or Circo, or Gymboree…)!

Ok, now the “and other things” part of the post:

If you’re buying bibs for someone (or your own children), the ones with velcro are useless once your child realizes they have hands. Buy bibs with snaps (not pajamas though!).

Shoes. Buy shoes with laces, not velcro. See above about bibs and hands.

Onesies and shirts are best if they don’t require any fastening around the neck area. There are lots of them out there that have snaps on the shoulder. These are a huge pain. Onesies that go right over the head and snap at the crotch are the best. Simple and “easy.”

So that’s it, there you have my shopping guide for the holiday season. Good luck!